After bragging last week about how good I'm feeling physically, this week has been an odd one emotionally.
I think I've been in tears every day for some reason or another - well, mostly for no reason at all! Poor hubby is a fixer, so does not cope with me in tears - least of all when I'm unable to even articulate why. Maybe its just hormones. Maybe its just a stress relief.
The other day I went into a carpet store to choose carpet for bub's room but left almost in tears because I just felt so overwhelmed. I left an electrical store at the same time as a woman who must have been at least 80 years old, we did the "no you go first" thing but then she said "I've been there done that darling, I know how tired you must be feeling". I sat in my car and cried "Yes, I am tired. No-one understands how tired I am." But of course they do.
Everywhere I go lately women ask me when the baby is due, how long do I have to go. When I tell them 6 weeks, the majority of them say things like "oh I found that the worst part" or "I cried so much in the last 6 weeks, I was so over it". A lady said to me today "You'll be so happy when it's all over".
But you know, as much as I long to meet my baby, I wonder if I will miss feeling him/her flopping around in my belly. Trying to guess if that bulge is a head or a bum, a hand or a foot. Wondering what the hell is going on when the movements are so quick and fluttery. It's such an amazing, intimate connection. One I thought that I would never have the opportunity to experience, and that I will never be able to experience ever again. The kids make fun of me always rubbing my tummy, but I just love it. I never want it to end. I just want to savour it forever.