Friday, 30 March 2007

IVF Rollercoaster Ride

OMG this IVF rollercoaster ride beats the pants off the Lethal Weapon ride at Movie World on the Gold Coast. All that hanging upside down bizo... ho hum... this IVF ride is far more extreme.

Well, last post was Friday 16th, feeling groovy. Got home about midnight after dinner with friends to find that Aunt Flo had arrived. Cried, went to bed, got up and went to Mums for the weekend. Aunt Flo was with us the whole time. Our 6th failed attempt.

Monday morning went to pregnancy blood test like a good girl even though I knew the answer, rang nurse at appointed time like a good girl even though I knew the answer..... but I had no bloody idea of the answer - BLOOD TEST SAYS I'M PREGNANT! 4 weeks and 2 days. Beta HCG levels 138, Progesterone 40.5. Estimated Due Date 24 November 2007.

Spent ages on the net finding several sites that agree that some women do indeed bleed during early pregnancy and go on to deliver bouncing babes. That night we do a home pregnancy test, DH has to get the torch to see the faint second line, but its there! In the morning the line is darker! DH and I decide that I will be one of those aforementioned fertile goddesses and shock wears off to excitement. I ring and tell my mother the good news.

I have another blood test on Thursday 22nd [they charge me $96 for being cynical - fine, I deserved it]. Still pregnant! Beta HCG levels 434, progesterone 37.2. Doubling at a rate of 1.8 days. Beautiful. Perfect. Organise 6.5 week ultrasound appointment for April 3rd. I cry happy tears - I have waited so long for this. We go out and celebrate.

Woke up Friday morning early with abdominal cramps, small amount of fresh blood but old blood and cramping all day. Ring IVF nurse who says to ring Doctor. Doctor is on holiday [for something completely different] so his nurse says increase progesterone gel and 'wait and see'. Cramps and blood gone by Saturday, breasts sore, hair weirdly oily, hungry... all good signs. Believe we are all back on track. Start discussing life with baby.

Blood test again yesterday, Thursday 29th. Usual IVF nurse is away [!?] another nurse tell me THE NEWS IS NOT GOOD. Beta HCG levels back down to 220, progesterone 72. "Your levels are probably only that high because the progesterone is so [artificially] high. You will probably miscarry naturally when you stop using the gel."

I ring Doctor [still away] his nurse says to keep ultrasound appt for next Tues and Dr appt for Tuesday after Easter. Call if I start to bleed beforehand.

Spend ages on the net finding [two] instances when a pregnancy has come back from this precipice. Find myself thinking there is hope - I will be one of those aforementioned fertile goddesses - but then remember that I am an infertile Evil Stepmonster.....

Up and down, round and round.

Waiting to miscarry.... Wanting to die

Friday, 16 March 2007

The Waiting Game

Well we all survived the weekend, not too hard at all really, don't know what evil was worried about. She gets so pent up about these things. Kids were gorgeous - demanding and spoilt, but gorgeous just the same. Tiger won a trophy in golf and now gets to go in a state junior tournament, which is pretty cool. Maybe we could send him professional and use the winnings to pay for my IVF?!

Speaking of; I have no news. Because the EPU was so darn early, the pregnancy test is on Monday and Aunt Flo (period) isn't due until Wednesday. I normally know the answer before I go to the blood test because AF has arrived, but this time I won't. So waiting patiently... or not.

Earlier in the week I was getting a bit excited because this time felt different. I had more ovary pain than ususal, sore nipples, really tired and extra hungry. But now all those symptoms have gone and this morning replaced with bad temper, abdominal crampy feelings and general teariness. So I thought AF was on her way for sure, and early to boot. Crankiness was fairly quickly gone after eating though, so maybe not all is lost just yet.

Went out and bought 4 pregnancy tests the other day - that's how confident I was feeling! Am very tempted to use one tomorrow morning - but it's still a bit too early and after today I'm not sure if I want to know. May be better than finding out while at work though. We'll see...

Friday, 9 March 2007

Q. Is it bad form for a stepmother trying-desperately-to-be-a-real-mother to hide in her bedroom all weekend?

I am currently mid-IVF cycle - we had an Egg Pick-Up last Saturday morning and Embyro Transfer on Tuesday. I have been trying to keep calm so that everything is soft and loving and quiet and our little embryos will want to stick around for another 39 weeks.

Darling Husband has named them Hope and Happiness, I know, what a gorgeous and sensitive man I have. Na-a. I was just a little upset because we had been hoping to grow our bubs to 5-day-old Blastocycts but I didn't produce enough eggs, because they made me go to pick-up too damn early - on day 11 instead of day 14. I know, what the...? Anyway, they only collected 6 eggs of which 3 fertilised and 2 survived 48 hours. So we were booked in for transfer with a 2-cell and a 4-cell, which sounded very sad indeed. So DH decided that I needed an attitude adjustment and he didn't want twins named Frustration and Bitterness, especially if they were girls - OMG could you image the teenage years?!

But DH obviously took exception to my tranquil sloth-like state and saw fit to cancel his plans to take the kids away this weekend. I can't tell you how much I was looking forward to that - me and SuperCat and ScaredyCat, the couch, movies, chocolate, pizza, copious cups of de-caffeinated tea (well I'd have to do something good!). No kids, no husband, no cooking, no mess - ahhh bliss....

Instead, I now have to look forward to the kids for about the 6th weekend in a row and for 3 nights!! One has been away on a school camp, so will be hoarse, tired and cranky - join the queue kid. And the other two will be at each others throats as usual. So my vision of lying on the couch watching movies and growing embryos is now punctuated by f-off no you f-off (such lovely manners they will pass on to my babies).

One false move kids - one iota of stress you cause me and my dividing embryos, one fight, one tantrum, one overly-demanding request, one jack-ass stunt in my lounge room that goes wrong and breaks something - then thats it! All hell will break loose and evil stepmonster will open a can of whoopass on your butt.

Either that or I might just slink over to my mother's house without anyone noticing....