IVF Rollercoaster Ride

OMG this IVF rollercoaster ride beats the pants off the Lethal Weapon ride at Movie World on the Gold Coast. All that hanging upside down bizo... ho hum... this IVF ride is far more extreme.

Well, last post was Friday 16th, feeling groovy. Got home about midnight after dinner with friends to find that Aunt Flo had arrived. Cried, went to bed, got up and went to Mums for the weekend. Aunt Flo was with us the whole time. Our 6th failed attempt.

Monday morning went to pregnancy blood test like a good girl even though I knew the answer, rang nurse at appointed time like a good girl even though I knew the answer..... but I had no bloody idea of the answer - BLOOD TEST SAYS I'M PREGNANT! 4 weeks and 2 days. Beta HCG levels 138, Progesterone 40.5. Estimated Due Date 24 November 2007.

Spent ages on the net finding several sites that agree that some women do indeed bleed during early pregnancy and go on to deliver bouncing babes. That night we do a home pregnancy test, DH has to get the torch to see the faint second line, but its there! In the morning the line is darker! DH and I decide that I will be one of those aforementioned fertile goddesses and shock wears off to excitement. I ring and tell my mother the good news.

I have another blood test on Thursday 22nd [they charge me $96 for being cynical - fine, I deserved it]. Still pregnant! Beta HCG levels 434, progesterone 37.2. Doubling at a rate of 1.8 days. Beautiful. Perfect. Organise 6.5 week ultrasound appointment for April 3rd. I cry happy tears - I have waited so long for this. We go out and celebrate.

Woke up Friday morning early with abdominal cramps, small amount of fresh blood but old blood and cramping all day. Ring IVF nurse who says to ring Doctor. Doctor is on holiday [for something completely different] so his nurse says increase progesterone gel and 'wait and see'. Cramps and blood gone by Saturday, breasts sore, hair weirdly oily, hungry... all good signs. Believe we are all back on track. Start discussing life with baby.

Blood test again yesterday, Thursday 29th. Usual IVF nurse is away [!?] another nurse tell me THE NEWS IS NOT GOOD. Beta HCG levels back down to 220, progesterone 72. "Your levels are probably only that high because the progesterone is so [artificially] high. You will probably miscarry naturally when you stop using the gel."

I ring Doctor [still away] his nurse says to keep ultrasound appt for next Tues and Dr appt for Tuesday after Easter. Call if I start to bleed beforehand.

Spend ages on the net finding [two] instances when a pregnancy has come back from this precipice. Find myself thinking there is hope - I will be one of those aforementioned fertile goddesses - but then remember that I am an infertile Evil Stepmonster.....

Up and down, round and round.

Waiting to miscarry.... Wanting to die