Q. Is it bad form for a stepmother trying-desperately-to-be-a-real-mother to hide in her bedroom all weekend?

I am currently mid-IVF cycle - we had an Egg Pick-Up last Saturday morning and Embyro Transfer on Tuesday. I have been trying to keep calm so that everything is soft and loving and quiet and our little embryos will want to stick around for another 39 weeks.

Darling Husband has named them Hope and Happiness, I know, what a gorgeous and sensitive man I have. Na-a. I was just a little upset because we had been hoping to grow our bubs to 5-day-old Blastocycts but I didn't produce enough eggs, because they made me go to pick-up too damn early - on day 11 instead of day 14. I know, what the...? Anyway, they only collected 6 eggs of which 3 fertilised and 2 survived 48 hours. So we were booked in for transfer with a 2-cell and a 4-cell, which sounded very sad indeed. So DH decided that I needed an attitude adjustment and he didn't want twins named Frustration and Bitterness, especially if they were girls - OMG could you image the teenage years?!

But DH obviously took exception to my tranquil sloth-like state and saw fit to cancel his plans to take the kids away this weekend. I can't tell you how much I was looking forward to that - me and SuperCat and ScaredyCat, the couch, movies, chocolate, pizza, copious cups of de-caffeinated tea (well I'd have to do something good!). No kids, no husband, no cooking, no mess - ahhh bliss....

Instead, I now have to look forward to the kids for about the 6th weekend in a row and for 3 nights!! One has been away on a school camp, so will be hoarse, tired and cranky - join the queue kid. And the other two will be at each others throats as usual. So my vision of lying on the couch watching movies and growing embryos is now punctuated by f-off no you f-off (such lovely manners they will pass on to my babies).

One false move kids - one iota of stress you cause me and my dividing embryos, one fight, one tantrum, one overly-demanding request, one jack-ass stunt in my lounge room that goes wrong and breaks something - then thats it! All hell will break loose and evil stepmonster will open a can of whoopass on your butt.

Either that or I might just slink over to my mother's house without anyone noticing....