Finding my way out of the abyss

Whoops, sorry about that! The abyss was actually just school holidays, but dark and seemingly endless all the same. Now I remember why we started going away over Easter. I have spend the best part of the last two weeks driving kids around the state, working ridiculous hours and catching up with family as we lurch headlong into 'birthday season' for both our families. Unfortunately, my birthday is among those coming up, but maybe if I keep quiet they will forget.....

Good news is that I don't have GD, but just for fun I get to do the test again at 28 weeks.

I need to stop working. Its still only early I know, and soooo many women have told me that they worked full time right up until their due dates (as if it's a competition!) but I just don't care. I am so easily exhausted at the moment and I have to take care of number one. The more I work, the more my replacement is dependent on me being there. I find myself in tears on the freeway feeling just so tired and heavy that I can hardly move. DH keeps having to scold me "we have worked too hard to get here for you to start taking risks now". I hang my head in shame, then the next week start up again in a panic of all the things I want to get done before I leave.

I have worked in this business almost since the day DH bought it. Since it was just he and I, to the 9 employees we have now. I am a control freak at the best of times and I admit I'm having trouble letting go. No-one is irreplaceable, the company will go on perfectly well without me - intellectually I know this. DH and I are strange (in many, many ways! lol) because we love working together. Spending 24 hours a day together is normal for us. I think that's the thing I will miss the most.

PS: I think another belly shot is due... tune in next week to laugh and point at the fat woman in her ludicrously large underwear.

Almost 6 months!

I had my Gestati.onal Dia.betes test this morning. I had one of these a few years ago as part of my PCOS diagnosis and my result was borderline. At that time I was in the middle of a low GI diet, this time I am in the middle of a chocolate binge. I am not confident.

The lastest wave of hormones seem to have hit. The past few days I've been feeling more tired than usual, breasts are throbbing, and I often find myself on the verge of tears for absolutely no reason.

I have been experiencing some cramping feelings lately really low in my abdomen, could be bub using my cervix as a personal trampoline, could just be cramps. I wish I knew. Earlier in the piece I was bursting to buy every pregnancy book, but kept putting it off until after the next test. Now, I rearely even look at the one book I have. Very unlike me. I'm enjoying just soaking in the experience as I'm feeling it. It's also possible I have a few avoidance issues about the birth, but hey, plenty of time for that!

Planning

I caught up with a friend of a friend on the weekend who is pg with twins from IVF. She is a few years older than me and 27 weeks pg. It was hilarious to compare swollen feet and bloody nose stories with someone IRL. Everyone at the function said that my belly looked as big as hers but I'm sure it was just my dress.

She asked what brand cot and pram we have bought. I laughed. This poor baby has one toy, a kind of cute-because-it's-so-ugly hand knitted clown (bought with love by DH's parents), and a high chair my mother bought (with love I'm sure) from a garage sale for $20 which DH wants to throw out. We have bought nothing. We hadn't even thought about nursery furniture - mainly because the nursery is not built yet!* Anyhoo.... she tells me that most cots and nursery furniture have a 12 week delivery wait.

Needless to say I have spent the past few days scouring the internets for baby stuff. I can't believe I have been putting this off! Apart from wondering how I can guarantee a lottery win to pay for it all - this is exciting! This is what normal people expecting babies do! They go and buy stuff for them. You know, like actually make plans as if they are going to bring home a real live baby from the hospital that they have to feed, clothe, put to bed and transport about. I should probably do more of this! It seems quite healthy - not to mention fun!

I must say though, that it's a might bit confusing too. I have fallen in love with a cradle but I have no idea if I need a cradle!? If the house is not finished I will definately need one for a few weeks or months, but is it just a waste of money to buy a band new one? Should I try to borrow one or buy second-hand? As for prams, my god, how many prams/strollers are on the market? And how ridiculously expensive are they?

And speaking of ridiculously expensive... my ridiculously expensive 4 year old car is in need of ridiculously expensive repairs. It needs a whole new transmission at the hefty price of $8,500! Isn't it amazing that major expenses (and major projects) always seem to collude together to arrive right at the same time?! {{sigh}}

The Austral.ian government are currently giving women $5,000 when they have babies, do you think they'd let me have mine in advance?



* We had a house fire over 18 months ago which gutted a self-contained apartment, one of our bedrooms, and damaged our lounge room and hallway. Our 3rd (yes third) builder started in January and tells me "yeah it should be done by July, love". We cleverly thought we'd re-do our kitchen at the same time - a decision I am currently trying to talk DH out of....