Monday, 14 July 2008

Weighed Down

My weight loss goal of 5kg before the end of July is not going well. I have been to the gym twice in the past week and have had 2 migraines in the past week. My migraines usually only last about 24 hours but leave me fuzzy and feeling pretty drained for a few days afterwards - during which time I eat lots of lovely comfort foods to make myself feel better... I dare not weigh myself this week.

My old Pilate's instructor told me that if the body is weak it will not get pregnant. I keep trying things to strengthen my body, but this happens every time. I suffer regular headaches at the best of times (my theory has something to do with weak neck muscles), and if I persist with the gym work maybe I can fix whatever the problem is and be rid of them forever. But my body seems to be blocking any attempt I make at trying to help it. I don't understand this body of mine. Why can't it just work properly?!

I read an article recently, written by a kinesiologist, about the subconscious, the part of the brain that connects with the nervous system and tries to keep our bodies safe from pain and fear (fight or flight responses). It said that the subconscious can put up mental blocks that can work against us getting pregnant. In a life or death situation like starvation it will tell the body to 'shut down' certain functions to preserve itself. In term of trying to conceive, the article says that if you have pets (or even a job) that you mother, your subconscious may tell your body to 'shut down' your reproductive functions because you already have babies to care for. Or, if you have unresolved emotional issues to do with childhood trauma involving a parent or parental figure, your subconscious may block pregnancy trying to save you the pain of reliving the trauma should you become a parent yourself.

I am wary of kinesiologists. The few I have met have all seemed a really flaky and weird. But I'm starting to think that there may be something in this particular theory. Because I was se.xually assaulted as a child, my teenage years were horrible as I dealt with my emerging se.xuality and I still have a few hangups. So it's safe to say that I probably have a few subconscious blocks relating to this, but whether or not they are to blame for my infertility I'm not sure. But, just in case, I have recently started trying to deal with this by saying out loud (to my empty house) things that happened and repeating to myself that "I WILL be a great mother" and "I CAN protect my children". Perhaps I should also add "My body is healthy and strong and ready to reproduce".


sara said...

You will be a great mother, that is for sure. I hope your migraines get better soon, and you're feeling better. Yeah, I'm a little bit of a bedrest rebel who stands for the occasional picture. But I promise that I stand, and return promptly to resting :-)

Melbagirl said...

Hey you. I am really giddy at the moment and I keep making typos ... Funny/weird. I actually just fell off my chair whilst talking to my Mum on the phone! Hormones? Anyhow just wanted to apologise in advance if this sounds funny.

A friend of mine does kinaesiology (forgive me, I can't even spell it today) stuff. She did a session on me about a month ago and my phrase to repeat to myself is "I feel relaxed about myself". I wrote it on a post-it note and stuck it on my monitor. Anyhow ... she said that in the session she conducted it came to light that i was being too critical of myself. But she investigated childhood incidents as well. Well, I must say it was pretty accurate. I am always beating myself up with all the things I do wrong. It actually feels really good to say it and feel it. She said it would take five weeks for the energy from this session to shift ... that's next week.

Anyhow, just wanted to let you know that I'm trying it (and anything else I can get my mits on!) so you're not the only one thinking these thoughts!

Mr. & Mrs. M@sk said...

I have been contemplating Kinesiology for a little while now. I can't see how a few sessions to determine whether it is for you or not could hurt.

My TCM lady tried to sell me on Neurolinguistic Programming due to psychological blockages stopping me falling pregnant but I didn't trust her as much as I would a Kinesiologist.

You have great affirmations already though :-)

Joy said...

I have every problem you mention including history of childhood sexual abuse. I also have always had pets and have always given them plenty of love. I get migraines but they're mostly hormonal (I get them while cycling / pregnant). I think you are doing good work to look at these things. But I want to encourage you - these things will not prevent you from getting pregnant, especially getting pregnant from assisted reproduction. Plenty of IVFs and IUIs work when the recipients do NOT have their ducks in a row in any way. If well-adjusted people with perfectly functioning bodies and no baggage were the only ones getting pregnant how would we explain Britney Spears and all the other pregnant folks who are celebrities, dimwits, crackheads and otherwise undeserving?

andi said...

Hi there,

Many thanks for your comment. And glad to know you are on track with me. Also good to know the cycle might not be pushed back if sister doesnt get her period.

Oooooo dear - tell me why you hated the prognova?

I too have had several kinesiology experiences - one really good one with a woman in Melbourne - and several crap ones with a woman in London.

The Melbourne woman told me 'when I had my feet planted on the ground' I would have a baby. She was right about one thing - I have been unsettled for the past five years - the time I have been trying to have a baby.

Topcat said...

I freaking HATE migraines. I hope you feel better.

I have gone private. Please email me and I will send you an invite.


Kenya said...

Wow interesting. Despite your past, you can move on and be a great mother some day.