My weight loss goal of 5kg before the end of July is not going well. I have been to the gym twice in the past week and have had 2 migraines in the past week. My migraines usually only last about 24 hours but leave me fuzzy and feeling pretty drained for a few days afterwards - during which time I eat lots of lovely comfort foods to make myself feel better... I dare not weigh myself this week.
My old Pilate's instructor told me that if the body is weak it will not get pregnant. I keep trying things to strengthen my body, but this happens every time. I suffer regular headaches at the best of times (my theory has something to do with weak neck muscles), and if I persist with the gym work maybe I can fix whatever the problem is and be rid of them forever. But my body seems to be blocking any attempt I make at trying to help it. I don't understand this body of mine. Why can't it just work properly?!
I read an article recently, written by a kinesiologist, about the subconscious, the part of the brain that connects with the nervous system and tries to keep our bodies safe from pain and fear (fight or flight responses). It said that the subconscious can put up mental blocks that can work against us getting pregnant. In a life or death situation like starvation it will tell the body to 'shut down' certain functions to preserve itself. In term of trying to conceive, the article says that if you have pets (or even a job) that you mother, your subconscious may tell your body to 'shut down' your reproductive functions because you already have babies to care for. Or, if you have unresolved emotional issues to do with childhood trauma involving a parent or parental figure, your subconscious may block pregnancy trying to save you the pain of reliving the trauma should you become a parent yourself.
I am wary of kinesiologists. The few I have met have all seemed a really flaky and weird. But I'm starting to think that there may be something in this particular theory. Because I was se.xually assaulted as a child, my teenage years were horrible as I dealt with my emerging se.xuality and I still have a few hangups. So it's safe to say that I probably have a few subconscious blocks relating to this, but whether or not they are to blame for my infertility I'm not sure. But, just in case, I have recently started trying to deal with this by saying out loud (to my empty house) things that happened and repeating to myself that "I WILL be a great mother" and "I CAN protect my children". Perhaps I should also add "My body is healthy and strong and ready to reproduce".