Saturday, 13 February 2010

And it just keeps getting better

The past few days have been horrid.

I had surgery on Thursday to remove some suspect skin lesions. One on my back, one on my thigh and another on the sole of my foot. All pathology came back as benign. Obviously the one on my foot has me laid up for a few days. My parents are here again but this time has really bothered me because I am an invalid. Kayla has a cold and has been crying a lot more than usual, and I can't get up to her, I can't carry her and I can't bath her. I hate it so much. It seems too much like a window to the future....

The Professor finally made contact about my latest scan results. The cancer has spread to my bones - it's in my shoulder, thigh, hip, pelvis and I think a few spots in my back. He said my prognosis is not good - about 8-9 months - but they are trialling a new drug which seems to have some promise. I'm not sure what this means but I will try anything, do anything to gain even just a little more time with my precious family.

My heart is breaking for DH. Imagine what it would be like to be told the person you love may only live another 9 months (unfortunately at least a couple of you know this feeling already and that breaks my heart too.). We haven't told anyone else yet and I don't know if we will. I have so many thoughts and feelings running rampant in my head but truly don't know what else to say right now....

76 comments:

SassyCupcakes said...

I am so sorry. I really truly can't tell you how much I feel for you and your family right now.

I don't know if there's anything I can do, and I'm not sure where you live, but I think you know where we live and if there is absolutely anything I can do to make things a little easier on you please let me know.

Glenda said...

There are no words....you are an amazing woman, am inspiration. I have no right to say it but this is my thought, make peace with death but survive anyway. You are a survivor, everything about you just oozes it,
God bless.

•´.¸¸.•¨¯`♥.Trish.♥´¯¨•.¸¸.´• said...

I just came by and couldn't not comment.MY heart is breaking for you.

I hope your Drs are wrong and the new medication offers hope for you.
It cannot beat you.
God bless I'll be ptraying for you.

suey said...

I have been a long time lurker but couldn't stay silent any longer. I can't even fathom what you and DH are going through. I am sending prayers, positive vibes and you are in my thoughts. I hope the prayers of a stranger, a fellow mama, can help you a little to stay strong.

Vee said...

Oh gosh I am so sorry to hear this my heart is truly aching for you and your family. I hope the Dr's are very wrong. Give anything a go that is available to you, it's worth go.
Stay strong, you are amazing.

edenland said...

L, I've been thinking of you so much lately mate.

SO much. My love and thoughts with you, for every chance and every drug that can possibly help right now.

XOXOX

Anonymous said...

You and your family will be in my thoughts. I am so sorry you are going through this, and I hope to soon read about how you have proven the doctors wrong.

Soapchick said...

There truly are no words, except that cancer sucks and is pure evil. I'm so sorry that you are facing this reality. I really encourage you to look at some alternative treatments/ non-western treatments such as the Gerson Therapy, Johanna Budwig diet. I'm not a quack, but western medicine may only be able to do so much. If you want I can have my friend Christian who is alive because of it contact you. My email is soapchick@comcast.net if you want me to put you in contact with him.

OHN said...

I am absolutely stunned.

I have been reading your posts for a very long time, and know what you have been through.

This is certainly a horrible turn of events for you.

I know it is almost impossible, but please try to keep a positive thought. Trials DO work.

Lavender Luz said...

Here from Eden.

Just want to say that I'm reading and I'm here and I'm abiding with you as you process this news.

You write with a depth of grace.

I am holding you and your family in my heart.

Aunt Becky said...

I'm so very sorry. Sending you love and light.

nancygrayce said...

I am so sorry. I came over from Eden's to say hello and that I will stop to pray right now.

Flying Monkeys said...

Dropping by from Edenland.

I have no words to express how deeply sorry I am that your family is having to endure this.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Amanda said...

I'm here from Eden's blog. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. You're all in my thoughts and prayers.

Sue said...

I am just heartbroken for you and your family.

Stacie said...

Oh, Louise. You've been on my mind so often. Each time I berate the universe for being so cruel while sending you warm embraces of strength. I hope with all I've got that this trial drug will do it--will let you kick cancer to the curb forever.

Much love to you and your family.

K said...

I came here from "Here Storky" and I'm so sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Cathy said...

Here via Stacie -

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish strength for you and your husband, and send you good thoughts.

Jennifer said...

What horrible news. I am adding you and your family to my prayer list. Do you live close to Cancer Treatment Centers of America? I hear great things about them and it is worth checking out.

E said...

I am over here from Eden's blog, and I just wanted to say I am so sorry and never give up hope!!! Miracles happen everyday.

((Huge hugs))

Natika said...

Oh my gosh! This is so unfair to everyone who loves you. I am selfish because I have been a lurker through all the IVF stuff and I think I only commented a couple of times. But crap...you have got to fight this. This is so unfair to you!

I don't know what else to say but stay strong.

Steph said...

I am here via Stacey. I'm not even sure what to say. I can't imagine what you are going through. I will send positive energy and thoughts your way (I'm sorry that sounds so insignificant).

MrsSpock said...

Popped over from edenland. So very very sorry. A million hugs to you all.

Anonymous said...

Hi. I came by from Eden's. I don't know what to say, other than this sucks and I am so sorry, and I am sending as many good thoughts as possible to you and your family.

Almamay said...

Thinking of you and your family. Wish I could say more than that to offer some comfort.

Jem said...

As a survivor of Melanoma, my heart goes out to you and to your family. I hope you will try all the alternatives out there and fight this monster. But, most important of all, focus on all the love you have together.

Athena said...

Hi. I came her from Eden's site. Life sure sucks sometimes.

((((Hugs to your whole family)))

You never know these days - treatments can surpass expectations. Stranger things have happened!

(((More hugs)))

anna said...

Sending you love, prayers, peaceful thoughts, and well wishes from across the big pond. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. You're an amazingly strong woman, thinking of how your DH must be feeling rather than how you must be feeling. Go away, evil cancer cells!!!!

annacyclopedia said...

I came over from Eden's, too. I am holding you in my heart and in my prayers. So very sorry you are going through this fight but I wish you courage and strength - obviously you have them both in spades but a little more can't hurt.

Circus Princess said...

I heard your news through Stacie at Heeeere storkey, storkey who sent me over.

I'm at loss for words at the crapiness of it all, I'm really so sorry to hear this!

Here's a big hug from a stranger that will keep you in her thoughts.

Princess Jo said...

Here from Eden's.

I am sorry. So sorry.

Cancer is horrible.

Bee Cee said...

Here via Eden, just to send you love.

Imogen said...

I just can't believe this. DH and I are crying. I'm down in Mornington so let me know if there is anything at all we can do for you. Trial sounds promising xo

Pundelina said...

Eden sent me too. What awful awful news. I'm so sorry that this has happened to you - it's terribly unfair.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

((hugs))

Bec said...

Oh my goodness - I haven't checked in for a little while and have only just seen the news. I am praying for you right now, and will keep you and your family in my thoughts. I don't know what to say, I am just shattered :(

lucky13 said...

hi. here by way of Eden. I hope the thoughts and prayers from around the world protect you from this horror that has invaded your life. don't count yourself out. stranger things have happened. I wish you well.

Trish said...

I am so, so sorry.

Fiddle1 said...

I'm praying many fierce prayers for you and your family. I hope for health and peace for you.

Sunny said...

I came via edenland / hope in briarrose.

I am including you in my thoughts and prayers. I wish that there were more comforting words... abiding with you.

Geohde said...

I am so very sorry. This is all so desperately sad,

g

Renee said...

I heard about you via Stacie.

My heart goes out to you and your family.

Flicka said...

Here via Eden...I'm so sorry that this is happening to you! I'm praying for you. Just take it one day at a time...we are here for you.

xoxo
Flicka

AussieJenn said...

Such tragic crushing news for you, and your loved ones. I can't imagine how you are all dealing with it. Heartbreaking.
My thoughts continue to be with you.

Anonymous said...

this is just so shitty... I cannot imagine what you are going through. I am sorry for what is happening to you and what you will have to endure in the future.
LL

Tina said...

Another long time lurker who is so sorry to hear what you are going through.
Wishing you & your family loads of love and strength xo

Noelle said...

Hi, I just found your blog from Edenland (which I just found from The Spohr's Are Multiplying). I'll be sending lots of positive energy, hugs, and prayers your way.

heartincharge said...

Praying for you hard hard hard.

Alicia said...

I just came by to give you a hug. Stay strong, woman.

jill said...

I'm so sorry :( Sending strength and lots of hugs.

Kristina said...

So very sorry!! praying for you and your family.

Steph O. said...

I found you through Eden's blog.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through right now. Cancer sucks!!! (we've dealt with it a lot in our family)

I see from your IF journey that you're one tough woman & I hope you can add this to the list of things you've kicked. My thoughts & prayers go out to you & your family.

fattyamy said...

I was sent here via Eden's blog and just wanted to say, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your precious family.

Another Julia said...

I would do anything to purge cancer from the face of the earth forever. I'm so sorry that you and your family are on this unwanted path. Sending you love and hope....

Katie said...

I cannot even imagine. I am so very sorry. I will be praying that this trial drug is the miracle that you and your family so deserve.

Laura said...

I am so very sorry. Praying for you and your family.

Car said...

My thoughts are with you - I am so sorry

Celia said...

Hi,

I am here from Lost and Found. My Mom was on hospice three times for end stage liver failure. She has been stable now for two years. If you have not yet, please switch to an organic diet with minimal processed food. Not because it will cure you, but I firmly believe that it gives your body less to do and more time to fix itself. I know cancer is a totally different thing from liver failure, but I do believe with all my heart that the less you give your body to do when you are so ill the better it is able to handle other things.

I pray they will be able to heal you.

Rachel said...

My thoughts are with you.

Melanie said...

Louise, I just wept when I read this. And words just sound so hollow in light of what you're going through. Please, please know that I'm holding you and yours securely in my heart. I don't know if you're a praying girl, but I am and I'm doing some double time praying for you. Yours was one of the first blogs I began reading when I started this journey, what, 3 1/2 years ago. I feel, in many ways, we conquered the infertility beast together. Now it's time to conquer this cancer. I have thought about you so much since learning of your lump. You need to beat the shit out of this thing, Louise. You just must.

imafishey said...

Here from LCFA. I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts & prayers.

Caitlin said...

Here from Eden...

You have so much support already, and I hope my little shred helps as well. You and your family will be in my prayers...I wish you all the luck in the world.

((hugs))

Leah said...

There are no words of sorry or sadness that would be sufficient so I will say I am praying for you and your family.

jungletwins said...

It's not fair, it's not right, and I am so, so sorry. I keep typing and erasing things because I don't know what to say. I think you're such an awesome person, and I just wish I could make all this go away.

In Due Time said...

I'm so sorry. :-(


I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

sara said...

I am so sorry - I know that doesn't seem like the right thing to say right now. I have followed you for a couple of years now and you have made me a stronger person by the strength that you have shown. You are in my thoughts and I wish I could reach through this crappy computer screen and give you a hug.

Momygirl said...

I am so sorry. I hope that with some treatment that you are able to beat this. I hope you have many more years to enjoy your husband, step children, and beautiful daughter. I don't know you and only read your story because of another blog, but I am in tears and I will keep you in my prayers.

tireegal68 said...

I'm here from Lost and Found. I'm so sorry for what you are going through and suddenness and fierceness of one diagnosis after another. From reading your sidebar you have been through do much to get your sweet baby - I send you strength and hope and will be following you. ((hugs))

thebarreness said...

I came here via Behind the Mask - and your story really touched me. I hope you're doing OK and feeling strong. Sending you positive thoughts from somewhere else in Melbourne.

singletracey said...

I don't even know what to say... It just isn't fair or right. I can not imagine how you feel.. but please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

The Courtsy's said...

I have tears in my eyes reading your posts.... I am so very very sorry for what you and your beautiful family are enduring......

You are in my prayers and thoughts

Awaiting our miracle said...

Another long term lurker, here from Behind the Mask.

I so so sorry to hear this. Just letting you know my thoughts are with you and your family.

Kim

Shazz said...

I am thinking of you and your family. Sending alot of strength your way.

Portia P said...

I am so so very sorry.

I had to re read your post several times whilst it sank in. I'm speechless and can't begin to imagine what you're going through.

You sound a brave lady and i'm praying that this trial brings you some hope.

Thinking of you xx

Bea said...

Heard through the blogvine. I'm so sorry to hear this news. I'm not even sure what to say.

Bea

Kath said...

Came here from Portia's blog. I am so unspeakably sorry to hear your news. Sending you lots of good thoughts and hope.

Eleanor said...

I am so sorry you and your family are facing this battle. There truly is no rhyme or reason and I am sending all the love and strength I can to you all.