Am I waiting for joy or waiting for heartbreak?
News on Monday was that out of 40+ follicles, 21 eggs, 10 embryos, and 2 blastocysts transferred - non of the remaining embryos were good enough to freeze. In fact, the nurse said they had all started to degenerate. Bugger.
Maybe they shouldn't give you this information until after the pregnancy test, because of course now my mind is thinking that if the rest of the batch were no good then there is no hope for the two transferred.
I am trying to push past this by spending embarrassing amounts of time just staring at photos of the Jolie.Pitt non-ivf twins, as if I can will the same into my uterus (though mine of course will be loud and proud ivf twins).
A funny thing happened at the transfer, besides leaving my wallet and phone (which my darling husband went back to collect the next day). My Doctor, whom I call Dr No because of his refusal to consider scientifically unproven treatments, told me to "just believe". Mind you, this was just after he told us of his personal 50% success rate, so perhaps I'm mistaken in thinking he meant I should believe in the universe giving me what I want or like in Peter Pan 'I do believe in fairies, I do, I do', perhaps he meant I should just believe in him. To cover all bases, I'm doing both.
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7 comments:
It's nice to hear from you, I was wondering how you are going.
I am sorry about the remaining embies. But, a warm cosy plush lining is MUCH better to grow in, than the harsh cruel world. I have every faith that they are implanting as we speak. (Well, blog)
I thought the Brangelina twins were IVF? I can't keep up.
I am thinking of you HEAPS. xo
So hoping the 2 blasts are getting comfy. I have heard lots of stories of embies not being good enough to freeze, yet they got pg anyway. They are in the best place possible. Wishing you loads of luck.
But it's precisely because the other embies were not good (enough) that I firmly believe that the 2 you had transferred ARE good. You got the two good ones -the best- out of the batch. I believe in you and the embies. Now stick, darn it! : ) : )
Yes, yes, the 2 they put back were the right ones to choose, and they will keep snuggling in as they should.
Funny that a naysayer (usually) would tell you to "just believe." My RE said something that stuck with me when I was feeling negative during the cycle: "Now is the time to feel hopeful." It really helped me for some reason. I'll keep feeling hopeful for YOU right now, because now IS the right time for it!
Good to hear an update. We had 10 fertilized and none to freeze. I was upset at first b/c it seemed like the ones that they transferred wouldn't work, but they did. I think that sometimes rather than believing in this or that, just believing in yourself is best. Hopefully now that they're in there, they're just getting stronger because of you!
I love it when the unexpected kindnesses come -- especially from someone like a doctor -- that would've melted my heart right there.
I'm thinking of you, keeping you and yours in my thoughts.
And if staring at those 'naturally conceived' fraternal twins does the job -- go for it -- I myself, not even in the two week wait, have been known to actually watch B list celebrity reality shows -- just to turn the brain off.
Keeping everything crossed!
Pam
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. Stick little ones, stick!
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