Am I waiting for joy or waiting for heartbreak?
News on Monday was that out of 40+ follicles, 21 eggs, 10 embryos, and 2 blastocysts transferred - non of the remaining embryos were good enough to freeze. In fact, the nurse said they had all started to degenerate. Bugger.
Maybe they shouldn't give you this information until after the pregnancy test, because of course now my mind is thinking that if the rest of the batch were no good then there is no hope for the two transferred.
I am trying to push past this by spending embarrassing amounts of time just staring at photos of the Jolie.Pitt non-ivf twins, as if I can will the same into my uterus (though mine of course will be loud and proud ivf twins).
A funny thing happened at the transfer, besides leaving my wallet and phone (which my darling husband went back to collect the next day). My Doctor, whom I call Dr No because of his refusal to consider scientifically unproven treatments, told me to "just believe". Mind you, this was just after he told us of his personal 50% success rate, so perhaps I'm mistaken in thinking he meant I should believe in the universe giving me what I want or like in Peter Pan 'I do believe in fairies, I do, I do', perhaps he meant I should just believe in him. To cover all bases, I'm doing both.