Friday, 12 September 2008

Catching up with my age

As a kid, life seemed to roll on so slowly didn't it? The school week would seem to stretch on forever, and the year between birthdays or Christmas was interminable. Now it all goes so fast, before I even wake up properly in the morning the week has gone! And the months are barely registering. It scares the bejeezus out of me. My husband must be the same as me; we have so many neglected projects at the moment that I wake at 3am and worry and berate myself until I am a buzzing ball of anxiety. I wonder if its just a winter thing, and now we are heading into Summer the days will become longer and I can get more done. I sure hope so. I'd really like to get more sleep.

Work has been so very busy lately, probably a good thing, to really focus on something. We seem to be having the kids over every weekend lately. Leading me to plee with DH "I just need one weekend without kids pleeese" which is kind of disconcerting considering that my main aim in life at present is to have a child myself. But these kids are teenagers, which is, like, totally different. They are selfish and messy and need constant attention and entertainment..... see the difference!!!

Whenever DH's kids are sick, they ring us. "I feel sick can I come to your house?" or "My throat is really sore... what should I do" or "Can Louise take me to the Dentist?" I don't know why they do this. Lately they've all been sick so DH's phone rings off the hook each night. Its great that they keep in such regular contact at their ages, but selfishly I'd occasionally just like an uninterupted evening with my husband.

On Saturday night Dh was about to drive 16yo Tiger to a party. Tiger was getting money out of his wallet and fussing with his hair, I saw DH looking intently at something on the back of the couch, then he quickly stuffed it into his pocket and they left. From my angle, the something on the couch was shiny red plastic about 2 inches square. After they left I suddenly thought OMG that was a condom! Thats why DH shoved it into his pocket so quickly! But Tiger's too young! He can't be having sex! He's just a boy! He still watches cartoon movies for god's sake and uses his baby voice to tell me he's "Hungy" or "Tirsty"! I didn't know whether to be worried or proud he was at least using condoms. When DH returned I learnt the red shiny thing was in fact a lolly wrapper!

Ironically, that night we sat with 13yo Rose and watched the movie Juno. I bawled almost all the way through it. Sadly, I had not thought to warn DH what it was about, so I noticed a few tears on his cheeks too. After it finished DH was giving me a hug in the kitchen, Rose came in, looked at my face and said "Soooo, that was a sad movie for you guys?". They don't know about IVF, mainly because we don't want their mother to know, but I thought that a simple "I'm Vanessa" would have been a great way to introduce it to her. Anyway she loved the movie but thought that the way the father and stepmother dealt with the news of the pregnancy was unrealistic. "All parents would skitz if their 16yo daughter got pregnant". Oh. Okay.

At the moment it seems that the Screaming Banshee has lightened her attacks on Rose, and now has Tiger in her sights. Every week lately she rings DH threatening to kick Tiger out of her house. I doubt that she will, because in her eyes keeping the kids with her means winning whatever twisted competition she thinks divorce is. But if she does, boy won't that shake things up around here. Am I ready for this? I have a theory that babies are small and cute and cuddly and smell so good, so that you still love them when they become aggressive, moody teenagers.


Wordgirl said...

I love to read your posts -- I don't know if I've run across another stepmom who hasn't had a child of her own yet -- it gives me comfort somehow to know that you are out there -- I understand so completely -- I am Vanessa too.

I also love to read about the teen years -- its hard to imagine right now -- W will be Tiger's age in eight years -- but as you say it will fly by and all of a sudden -- it will be us worrying about the condom.

I worry about so much -- will he hate me then for some reason out of the blue? Will he blame me for his parents divorce because he will be a teenager and wants to hurt me?

It's also good for me to read that I'm not the only one struck by the irony that I want to have a child yet value my alone time with my husband -- because I know what parenting is all about and how it changes things...yet in my head of course the idea of having a 'child of our own' -- I just believe that it will be different somehow, though I'd never want W to feel that to be true.

It's such a tricky thing.



Topcat said...

Ooooooooh, I just logged on and nearly shat myself with excitemenet at seeing your photo!!

You are ve-ry good looking! What's cookin'? Heh heh.

I've just written all about my stepson coming to live with us, probably soon. HELP