Tuesday, 13 January 2009

Learning

I learnt a couple of things about myself whilst babysitting my 4mo nephew the other night.
1. I'm going to be a helicopter parent. I must have gone in every hour he was asleep just to make sure I could hear him breathing.
2. I actually felt quite confident and natural changing him and feeding him. Well it was only a few hours, he wasn't screaming and I wasn't sleep deprived. But they do have times like that don't they?
3. I love babies, always have, always will. Its when they get to 4 they become a bit annoying, and 10, and 15.
4. I'm a bit more excited about this than I have allowed myself to admit.

I started reading a babycare book my SIL had on the coffee table. In the introduction the author explained how she'd been mindful to include the experiences of same sex couples, but she obviously didn't mind excluding infertile couples. I suppose she didn't expect them to read her book. The rest of the intro was full of comments like; "when you have a baby you join the human race.... you become a member of an exclusive club..".

Although I can't technically call myself infertile anymore, I still find this sort of stuff so incredibly offensive. Childless people are not members of the human race? Are you kidding me? Sometimes I wonder how the hell I will ever fit into a fertile world that thinks this way. I can't imagine how I'll cope with things like "new mother's group". I'm far too old and prickly and cynical to be unleashed into the general populace.

I guess its my own fault, I shouldn't keep telling random strangers that I'm pregnant (well not really random as such, the lady at the pathology clinic, the lady at the dress shop, our financial manager at work), but still, if one more person tells me how much they loved being pregnant, to relax and enjoy it, to just go with the flow.... I will throttle them! Relax and enjoy? Are you serious? Do they not understand all the things that could go wrong? Bloody hell, I've never been so terrified in my life! Four weeks between scans is far, far too long, I'm feeling the need to pee on a stick.

DH on the other hand is relaxed about the baby but worried about me and my headaches. After years of nagging, I had promised if this past cycle failed that I would have them fully investigated. He read online this morning about an American woman who's baby was delivered by c-section 2 days after she suffered a fatal brain haemorrhage. Apparently having a baby without me would be like having a big TV and surround sound system, but no house. Gotta love those man metaphors.

He said that bub visited him in a dream. He said it was a boy with dark hair. He got the sense that he was very aware, very intelligent, and thought "this kid knows what's going on, I'll never have to worry about him". I had to laugh when he apologised for not asking his name.

6 comments:

Vee said...

I am feeling the same need...I agree 4 weeks is too long!

I can't believe your DH didn't get a name surely it would helped with choosing the baby name ;)

Wordgirl said...

Hi you!

It's so nice to hear the updates on bub here -- I'm sure its a process -- thinking about it all -- I know for certain I will be a helicopter mom -- and if there's something that hovers more than a helicopter? That's me then....

I think once you've struggled with infertility you are a survivor of it -- it has marked all of us, regardless of how the path ends.

It's sweet that DH is worrying about you -- I've heard of lots of women prone to migraines getting worse headaches with pregnancy -- and it seems to be even X, not prone to them, had severe ones early in her pregnancy and it was how her body was responding to the estrogen...

Thinking of you and bub and the whole family!

Xo

Pam

Rachel Inbar said...

Definitely part of the human race... OH gosh. People don't really feel that way. They just deny infertility so that they don't have to deal with how it must feel for the other side and then try to explain why it could never happen to them (some are just so much more worthy, for example)...

It takes a while to believe that the little person growing inside you actually becomes a real live baby. Even when you've done it before, it's still hard to believe...

Rachel (mom of 6 after many years of IF)

Elle Charlie said...

Uch, that book sounds horrible - how can anyone who writes about pregnancy not consider infertility at all? It's not that uncommon.

Too bad your husband forgot to ask for a name - men get flustered and forget the really important things so easily! ;)

Stacie said...

4 weeks is pure torture! Don't they know that? Don't they care? Jeez.

That book sounds awful.

I can't believe he forgot the name! How funny. My husband swears that Reese Witherspoon told him we were having twins, although I was apparently I was supposed to be Reese. (not sure how I feel about that) Anyway, that was before we knew what was going on in there, and sure enough...that is what we got!

Melbagirl said...

It's a great feeling telling people that you're pregnant! Don't stop that ... after all you've been through you deserve it!