Thursday, 13 November 2008

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

The Good

I had 2 embyros transferred this morning! One was a genetically-tested-possibly-normal almost blasty and the other was just a step behind. The procedure went well. The Doctor was the head of the clinic (and the author of the book I'm currently reading) which should mean he knew what he was doing. Just before the transfer DH pointed out that today is the 13th and its our 13th cycle. I always like a little superstition with my cycles.

The Bad

Yesterday was a crap day. I feel like I have been lurching from one drama to the other lately. The Nurse rang yesterday with the biopsy results; out of the 10 the tested 7 were chromosomally abnormal and 3 were normal. The 3 normal ones were not growing as well as the embryologists would like, so I should ring in the morning to confirm transfer was still going ahead. She said "Don't worry too much, it might be okay". Needless to say there were long faces and not much sleep in my house last night. I knew that having no embryos to transfer was a posibility but it wasn't one I had allowed myself to really consider. It definitely wasn't the way I wanted to finish.

The Ugly

They sent a meek and blushing little 20yo genetic scientist down to talk to us this morning. She went through the biopsy results; two with trisomy 13, one with only one chromosome 13, one with trisomy 22, another with trisomy 26, and two with no nucleus. She stressed many times that this was just a screening process, only one cell from each embryo was tested and that if this cycle did result in a pregnancy then pre-natal genetic testing would be very important. Ugly all over the place. We asked if the most likely cuplrit was age, she said yes. She proceeded to remind us that women are born with all their eggs so at my age they have been sitting there a very long time, which is why they encourage women to get pregnant younger. Wait - it gets worse.... She told us about a study they are doing which shows that if "women my age" are successful with IVF its usually in their first couple of cycles. She was very excited about this because they look like being able to publish their findings in the new year! She then produced a graph which showed that the embryos of "women my age" (39) were 53% likely to be abnormal continuing up to 60% at age 42. Being the non-confrontational type that I am, I took a few deep breaths and sent her on her happy way.

If I were the confontational type (which at times like this I desparately wish I was), I would like to point out that
1) I have been trying to get pregnant longer than you have been breathing so don't you dare insinuate that I've just left it too late.
2) If you had bothered to consult my file you would have noted that this is our 8th IVF cycle, so telling me that "women my age are most likely to have success in their first few cycles" is like telling me this cycle has next to no chance and I shouldn't even bother being here.
3) Showing me a graph that quotes 53% as the average abnormal embryo rate for my age group, when my abnormal rate was 70% does not make me feel better.

Needless to say that DH and I both left on a bit of a low. I now have absolutely no faith in the cycle working. But I suppose what I need to keep in mind is that I now have (some) of what I wanted from this cycle - Answers.


Stacie said...

I am so sorry you heard such bad and ugly news. I wish I could just reach through the screen and hug you.

But, if it is okay, I will focus on the good news and believe that this will be THE cycle. THE cycle that brings you a baby. THE cycle--lucky 13.

Much love to you, especially over the next two weeks. I do hope they go quickly.

andi said...

Louise - I sticking with the good - and writing off yr bad - and not even considering the ugly.

ooooo you have two 'good embryos'inside - I hope you can try to ignore the other stuff - what a dopey girl - why don't they read files - I ask you!!!

I am planning on hanging out to beta - taking a little comfort in my 'sick' gut.

No husband - he is back in the UK.

Remember 'just believe'.


Mrs M@sk said...

Geez I'm sorry, and I thought I had a tough day. I don't know too much about PGD but did this confirm that the embies were affected or were possibly possibly just carriers etc? Sorry I'm not explaining my question very well. Answers are always good to have but still cut deep. I have to say though that your "the good" is very very good. Go lucky 2! I like a bit of superstition too :-)

Topcat said...

What the FUCK!? "Women your age..." .... what, does she think you're ninety-seven years old!!!! What a fucking idiot!!

Oopsies. Scuse I. I wish I was there, to have a friendly chat with her.

Congratulations on your embryo transfer, yay yay. I will be thinking of you ... A LOT.


Melanie said...

I simply have no words. No wait, I do. That child should have been supervised or, better, stuck in a closet with a microscope up her ass. To hell with her, and here's to your good, strong, wise, powerful, ass kicking embryos.

Wordgirl said...

Oh I don't like that little geneticist one bit.

I am non-confrontational as well -- but I'm working on my withering looks...hoping that works because people can be such numbskulls sometimes.

I'm thinking of you Louise; I understand what it is to have lost hope, so even if you think yours is gone -- I'm harboring some for you here.



Joonie said...

I can't believe the nerve of that girl! Just chalk it up to youth and ignorance she doesn't know any better.

I know it's easier said than done but try on and concentrate on your two wonderful embryos inside, may they grow and stick around to prove that little brat of a geneticist wrong.

Lisa said...

I wish Topcat had been with you during the talk with the young geneticist. Come to think of it, I wish Topcat had been with ME during a few of my clinic visits!

I am excited for those two you put back. They sound wonderful, and I am rooting so hard for them to snuggle right on in for the long haul.