Tuesday, 30 December 2008

Waiting

After kicking the cold I have been feeling quite well the past few weeks. I could sleep all day every day and have been doing very little. Some days, like today, I feel slightly queasy and light headed all day and need to eat constantly, but most days I feel fine until I find myself at the supermarket checkout behind someone with strong body odour or a roasted chicken in their trolley and I'm desperately looking for somewhere to barf.

I hope these things mean that all is going well. I'm mostly managing to keep the DBTs (dead baby thoughts) at bay but the upcoming 12 week ultrasound and pre-natal tests are keeping me awake at night. I've grown quite attached to this tiny nugget growing inside me and the thought of them finding something horrifically wrong and having to terminate scares the shit out of me.

I'm confused about the doom and gloom reaction from the clinic. Surely a 90% accurate test showing chromosomally normal cells from the transferred embryos would be cause for celebration and remove the need for more invasive genetic testing? But conversations with the Geneticist and FS, and literature they've sent me say these tests are even more important in my case. I understand that most of the abnormalities in the other embryos were really quite serious, but so serious they were considered unlikely to even implant let alone grow to this point. And the chance of an embryo having two different cell types is very rare, around 1-2% I think they said. I feel like they have scared me unnecessarily, but I can't seem to shake the fear.

I do feel confident that bub is still with me and still growing. I keep trying to tell myself that there is no history of chromosomal abnormalities in either family, that I may be old but I'm not that old, that bub has already passed this test once, that the odds are that everything will be alright and I'm worrying about nothing.

Only 20-something sleeps til we find out.....

7 comments:

eden said...

Oh, waiting indeed. It's like, a New and Improved kind of waiting, isn't it!

I am waiting with you, Louise. We all are. And, all those tests and info ... sometimes, I just wanted to stick my fingers in my ears and say "LA LA LA" to all the doctors and their statistics. Bah.

XOXOXO

Rachel Inbar said...

Poor you. I remember waiting for the results of my amnio. It sucked. It took a while to feel relieved when I got the results that all was well.

Lisa said...

I don't have the exact stats at the ready, but the VAST, VAST, VAST majority of babies born to women of your age and older are perfectly healthy. The odds for problems may seem to go up dramatically (well, statistically, they do rise dramatically), but you are still left with a very, very low chance that something will be wrong.

I know it is impossible not to worry, but so far that little one has been right on track, and the odds are totally WITH you. Excellent growth scans, strong heartbeat, pregnant-feeling mama = things are going great. The doctors have a responsibility to scare the S out of us. Try to focus on your instincts telling you wee bub is happy and thriving and making you barf!

Mrs M@sk said...

Roast chicken is the worst! Your instincts and pre-screening sounds like the stats will be on your side but I guess we can't help but worry as sometimes it seems like it is all too good to be true. But I believe that it is finally your turn and that all will be ok. Happy new year xoxo

Joonie said...

Oh sweetie, I know about the DBTs. I had them constantly until I started to feel the baby move. Even now, if she's been quiet for a while, my mind wonders there.

I wish you the best for the pre-natal tests. I opted to have a CVS done, cause I just HAD TO KNOW. But it's a very personal choice.

Have a wonderful new year!

Melbagirl said...

So how are you feeling today?

And we thought the 2ww was the worst ...

I am praying for you to have a healthy 12 week scan and I'm looking forward to hearing the results from you.

xxo

Stacie said...

I could have sworn that I commented! I am sorry! I didn't mean to not...

I remember the bone tiredness I had while I was pregnant. It amazed me how much I could actually sleep during the early months. I think I fell asleep mid sentence a few times!

I know how anxious those stupid tests can make a person. I was a nervous wreck over all of my testing. But, I believe your little nugget is doing just fine in there and will be around for the long haul. Hugs to you.

Here's to a happy, healthy 2009!